The Words On Her Skin
by I Have My Reasons Why
Summary: "Tori allows herself a faint smile as she sees the blood pour out of her wound like a beautiful melody. Because, really, if blood were a melody it would be her favorite song." Tori-centric, multiple pairings and chapters. Rated T for rape and cutting.
1. Pretty, Talented, and Innocent

**Hey you guys! So, I'm starting a new story about Tori; it's basically about her but they're are multiple pairings as well. Some of them are slash so be warned! This is multi-chaptered and this chapter is all about things that happened before Hollywood Arts. It's also pretty angsty as well, so you better watch out. You better not cry. You better not shout, I'm telling you why: Jade West will tear off your face. That's why.**

**Disclaimer: Once, Dan Schneider and I were at a bar, drinking. He handed over full ownership of Victorious to me but refuses to admit it now. Bastard.**

_They were all standing backstage while Tori was doing her big number. A reporter for The Slap walked up with a pencil and notepad in his hands. "Hey there guys, I'm Cole!" He said perkily, obviously an over excited freshman Slap apprentice. Beck gave a polite smile, Robbie said "sup" as an attempt to look like a cool upperclassman, Andre nodded his head in acknowledgment, Cat gave a giggly hello, and Jade just rolled her eyes. "I was wondering if I could ask some questions about the play. You all up for it?"_

_They all supplied their agreements, and the boy smiled. "Awesome. So what are all of you playing in the show?" Their faces fell – except Jade, whose face was already fallen from the start – and they looked down in mutual embarrassment. For quite sometime, they had been feeling resentment towards Tori about how faultless she seemed to be all the time. It got on their nerves, mostly. They all had very small parts in the play, because it was basically just Tori's character with the monologues and songs. As usual. They murmured something like that to the freshman, but he didn't sense any tension._

_ "Has being involved with this been a fun experience?" Cole asked pleasantly, expecting good feedback from the group._

_ "I'm sure it has been for _Tori_." Andre muttered bitterly. Cat got tears in her big eyes, and Beck put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. He didn't say anything._

_ Furiously, Jade barked with fake sincerity, "Let me ask you this, _Cole_, will it be a fun experience when I twist your neck so far backwards that you can kiss your own ass instead of mine?" Robbie gave a small laugh at that, but Jade silenced him with a deadly glare._

_ "Uh, well," Cole said uncomfortably, "since Tori has the lead of the show, and you all seem to be her friends, could you describe her in one word?" Cat let out a gasp and then a sob as she turned to Beck for a hug, which he gave her without hesitation. Beck (who was stroking the back of Cat's head), Andre, Jade, and Robbie all looked at each other for an answer._

_ Cat looked up from where her head was on Beck's chest and whispered softly, "Perfect."_

/

The first time she cuts herself is by accident.

Tori Vega's thirteen years old when she's shaving with the new, sharp razor her mother just got her. She's shaved her legs countless many times before, so she allows herself to let her mind wander. She thinks of what her older sister, Trina, said to her earlier today. She gets tensed up, still angry about the whole situation. Subconsciously – or at least she wants to believe it's subconsciously – she presses down harder with the razor against her leg. She doesn't notice until she gets all the way to her room that there is a big cut down her calf.

She touches the blood on her leg with extreme caution, as though it were going to burn her fingers like acid. Tori takes the blood on her fingers and writes a word on her stomach with it. She looks into a mirror and likes the way the word looks written on her abdomen, especially in red blood. It scares her, because this is something the "emo" kids at her middle school would do. After the blood dries, she puts on her pajamas and goes to bed.

The next day at school, she changes in a stall during gym so no one will notice the blood. When she gets home she waits as long as she possibly can until she absolutely has to take a shower. To her dismay, it washes off immediately after she steps in to the steaming hot water. After she's done, she shuts the water off, grabs a towel, and is about to leave when something catches her eye. Tori sees her razor just sitting on the counter, and even though she knows it's wrong, she snatches it and half runs to her room.

That night, she carves the word "pretty" into the skin of her stomach, where it rightfully belongs.

As the blood oozes out, Tori thinks, _Am I pretty now, Trina?_

/

The first time she sings in front anyone, she's told she's untalented.

A freshman in high school, Tori decides to take a music class, even though she has only sung to herself in her bedroom a few times. It's the first day of school, and Tori is sitting excitedly next to her classmates in the Musical Theater class. The teacher, Mr. Quinn, makes every single student come to the front of the class and sing a few bars of any musical song of their choice. He tells the class that he'll be making comments on their singing abilities, because if they want to have a career in musical theater later on, they'll have to know criticism.

Tori sits in her seat nervously as every student goes one at a time. One boy, Daniel, sings exceptionally well and Tori has her eyes and ears on him the whole time. When he's done she makes eye contact with him and he smiles at her. She feels her heart take a giant leap as she smiles back at him. He has dark eyes along with dark hair, and Tori can't resist that combination. A few more kids go up and sing, all of them very good. Tori chews at her nails, waiting for Mr. Quinn to call her name.

Finally, she walks to the front. She's the last one to go, which makes singing all the more difficult. She sings the song "Popular" from her all-time favorite musical, _Wicked_. "_You'll hang with the right cohorts, you'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know. So, let's start, 'cause you've got an awfully long way to go._" Tori finishes with a smile on her face, because she feels proud of her performance. It surely wasn't the best in the class, but definitely not the worst.

"Why yes, my dear, you _do_ have an awfully long way to go." Mr. Quinn says menacingly, with a big smirk on his face. Tori feels her mouth go dry as her stomach drops all the way to the floor. "Miss Tori Vega, what do you think you see yourself doing in ten years?"

She doesn't know how to respond, beads of sweat beginning to form on her forehead. "Um, well, I really enjoy singing. Maybe something with that…" Tori trails off. She immediately looks straight at the ground when the teacher gives a short, sharp laugh.

"Oh, please tell me you're joking. Sweetheart, the world of musical theater requires raw, natural talent. I'm afraid that is something you are greatly lacking in. You've got a pretty face; stick with that, because, darling, singing will not get you anywhere." Tori nods jerkily, eyes still glued to the ground. She somehow makes her way towards her seat, tears streaming down her face rapidly. Everyone else avoids her eyes for the rest of the class period.

As soon as she gets home from school, she finds her razor, and cuts "talented" across her forearm.

/

The first time she has sex, it isn't by choice.

It's midway through sophomore year when Daniel from Musical Theater class asks Tori out. He asked for her number the year before, but as soon as it was semester break, she dropped the horrific class. She spent the whole four months before Christmas sitting in the back of the choir room, scared to open her mouth in fear of Mr. Quinn. He never said another word to her after the first day of school fiasco. Tori was truly grateful for that.

Right when Christmas was rounding the corner and Tori was getting excited about being able to drop the class, Daniel asked for her number. She was ecstatic, for she had been making googley eyes at him since the very first day. He got all the solos for their concerts, and hearing his angelic voice made Musical Theater just a little more bearable. It really sucked for her to think of leaving right when the cutest boy in school was finally making a move, but she just couldn't stay in that class any longer. So, she transferred into Home Economics I after break instead.

Daniel and Tori texted on and off for a couple of months. She didn't know who stopped texting first, but eventually the conversations just got shorter and more spread out until they didn't talk at all. Tori figured that he was just being nice, so she ruefully left it alone. She moved on, got more involved with the things that she enjoyed – except singing. Mostly, she spent her time coming up with new exotic recipes and reading old American literature. Although, she did have to go to some of Trina's plays every few months. Her sister was a year ahead of her and went to an exclusive Hollywood art school. Trina never had a lead role – honestly, she was never any good – but it was still hard for Tori to watch all those pretty, talented girls singing their hearts out.

Anyway, out of the blue, Daniel texted Tori one day during sophomore year. He asked her out…On a real date. She immediately agreed and ran downstairs to tell her mother. It's now Saturday night, and she's on the couch in the living room nervously awaiting Daniel's arrival. She went out with Trina and her mother the night before to get a new outfit. They found a cute vintage store downtown, where they bought a couple of adorable dresses.

When he finally gets there he's ten minutes late, but Tori doesn't care. He's there and that's all that counts. They go to a pricey restaurant, where Daniel suggests she get a salad. She doesn't know whether or not to be offended, so she tells herself that he has probably been there before and gotten a salad and he's now recommending it. The date goes on pleasantly, until they get to the movie theater.

It's a horror movie Tori doesn't know the name of, because she's too busy gawking at Daniel's face to notice. They get sodas and walk into their theater, when they see that it's totally empty. He turns to grin at her wickedly and says, "You know what this means, right?" Tori's stomach lurches menacingly. Unfortunately, she does know. She gives a shuddering nod at him as she bites her lip nervously.

This isn't how she wants to lose her virginity; not yet anyway, and definitely not in a stranded movie theater. They take a seat as Daniel moves the armrest between them up. She tries to make meaningless small talk, thinking of a way to get out of this without him hating her. While they talk, his eyes are glued to her chest and she silently curses herself for wearing the low-cut dress. He waits awhile for the movie to start (to make sure no one else will be coming in, he explains) and then he kisses her.

Tori has read a lot of romance novels in her fifteen years. In all of them, they describe first kisses as being magical, beautiful moments. She always pictured hers on the hill where the Hollywood sign lies, as cheesy as it sounds. They would be laughing and he would suddenly caress her cheek with his hand, move in closer, and their lips would touch slowly. Never in a million years did Tori think that kissing would be like this.

It's rough. So rough, in fact, that it only lasts for about two seconds because she pulls away. Her lip is bleeding, and it hurts. She begins to cry, feeling as stupid as humanly possible. Daniel puts an arm around her, whispering things like, "Tori, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I just really, really like you, is all." After she calms down a bit, he suggests that she go clean up. Assuming that she probably looks like a mess, she takes off to the girl's room.

After she's done, she makes her way back to the theater. As she walks through the door, someone grabs her and covers her mouth. She makes a pitiful attempt to scream, but she hears a chilling voice half yell in her ear, "Shut up, stupid bitch!" Daniel. He drags her back to the seats, as she tries to struggle but it just makes his grip even tighter. He rips off each article of her clothing, until she's stripped naked and shaking in front of him.

Just like that, her virginity is gone.

When it's finally over, Daniel gets dressed as he throws Tori's dress at her trembling, bloody body. All she can do is stare at him, consumed with pain coming from various body parts. Her brain is foggy and she can't think straight, her thoughts all running into each other in one massive, confused, scared mess. "If you tell anyone about this, ever, you are so dead." He pulls out a pocket knife and holds it to her face, running the cool, dull edge against her cheek. Then, he's gone.

In a blur, she pulls on her dress and stares blankly at the screen until the movie is over. Eventually, a teenage boy with messy hair and a scrawny body comes in to clean the theater. He spots Tori by herself and sees the blood on her leg. "Miss?" He asks, his voice squeaking. "Are you okay?" She snaps out of her daze, sees the boy, and runs out of the theater as fast as she can. It's not far from her house, and even though it's late, she runs all the way home.

The next day, she carves "innocent" into her inner thigh.

/

The first time she Makes It Shine, it all goes dark.

Around September, right after junior year starts, Tori goes to see her sister in a big Hollywood Arts showcase. The past few weeks, Trina has been practicing very loudly, making Tori's ears nearly bleed. A boy from the same school, Andre, is performing with Trina. He's a fantastic musician; Tori really thinks it's a shame he can't just do a song by himself. Apparently, at Hollywood Arts, students are randomly paired up for the showcase and they're stuck with whoever is chosen for them. Anyway, Andre is a really nice guy, and Tori kept him company during the long practices he had to sit through.

_At least_, Tori thinks, _I get to ditch school_. That alone is worth enduring Trina's horrendous voice for a couple of minutes. To her horror, when they started school in August, Tori found out she was in the same Pre-Calculus class as Daniel. When she walked in the classroom, her heart stopped beating and her insides twisted as he gave her a wide, sick grin. He sat in the back of the room, so in turn she sat up at the very front. Though she could feel his eyes burning into the back of her head, she didn't have to look at him very often.

So, Tori's sitting in the Hollywood Arts auditorium, when a counselor comes and escorts her and her parents backstage. Turns out Trina's tongue swelled to at least twice its size because of a Chinese Herb Gargle that she used the day before. She's wailing and groaning because there's no way she can perform with her tongue taking up her whole mouth. Tori feels bad for her, but there's really nothing she can do. Then, Andre suggests that Tori sing Trina's song.

And she does.

Tori is adamantly against it at first; she kicks and screams but eventually loses. She's waiting on a darkened stage – she's fully clad in a beautiful, short, curve hugging dress that's a metallic purple color. When no one's looking, she finds some stage makeup and covers the scars on her leg and arm – when the curtain comes up. She's so far beyond nervous that when she opens her mouth to sing, she's surprised that she doesn't vomit. Tori begins the song at its original slow tempo, when she motions to Andre to pick up the pace.

As "Make It Shine" goes on, she becomes more and more confident with herself and her voice. She moves around the stage, a bright smile on her face, dancing the correct choreography with the backup dancers. When it's over, Tori receives a full standing ovation, every person in the crowd clapping for her. It's the single best feeling she's ever had in her whole life. When the curtain closes, the principal finds Tori and offers her a place at Hollywood Arts.

She's hesitant; can she fit in with all these amazing kids? Just at this showcase alone, she saw some of the best singers, musicians, and actors she'd ever heard. How would she keep up? Everyone's there (Trina, Andre, the backup dancers and singers, the principal, and her parents) and telling her she should say yes. She still isn't sure, so Andre sneaks away and opens the curtain. He asks the audience if Tori Vega is good enough for Hollywood Arts, and their applause is unanimous.

Tori says yes.

Once in the dressing room, she's surrounded by girls she doesn't know, but she could care less. She's still too high on her performance, adrenaline bursting through her veins. She takes her time getting undressed (partly because she doesn't want the makeup covering her scars to rub off) and makes sure she puts the dress in the right spot. There's one girl left in the room, but Tori doesn't notice her until she starts speaking.

"Hey, you," the girl demands, catching Tori's attention, "Vega, right?" Tori nods uneasily at her. The girl's dark, sarcastic tone matches her appearance; she's wearing a black butterfly shirt, dark skinny jeans, and old, worn out combat boots. Her pretty brunette hair is curled at the ends with red and purple streaks running through it. She also has an eyebrow piercing. Tori is taken aback at the girl's fierce, intense beauty. The gothic looking girl takes a long drink from the water bottle in her hand. "The name's Jade West. I can tell right now that you're going to be a pesky little problem."

"Uh," Tori murmurs nervously, "I really don't want any trouble, I'm lucky I even got in."  
>Jade gives a sharp, sarcastic laugh. "Right. Let me just tell you this, Vega, if you try to make it fucking <em>shine<em> one more time, it will all go dark. You feel me?" Tori doesn't have time to answer, because Jade grabs her arm and dumps about half of her water bottle on it. Tori gives a small shriek at the unexpected, cold water, and suddenly the word "talented" is exposed. Tori just stares at Jade with obvious fear, but she just smirks. After that, Jade just leaves without another word.

Taking shaky breaths, Tori searches around the dressing room hurriedly, looking for something sharp. Finally, she finds a sewing kit with a pair of small scissors. It takes awhile, but eventually the word "shining" is carved into the skin of her calf.

/

** The review button is looking mighty fine today, huh?**


	2. Good Friend

**Hey there! So I got three reviews for the first chapter, which isn't too shabby! Make sure to keep 'em coming guys, and tell your friends! More reviews would be good, but a special thanks to the ones who did review:  
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** parkitcharlie: Ha, is that a good thing? :)**

** mazeygrace18: Yeah, I felt kind of bad writing everyone against her, but you'll see why later on!**

** Ayamas4Ever: That was a sweet review, thanks! I'm glad you're interested!**

** Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are violet, now that we know our colors, let me just say: I don't own Victorious.**

The first time she hurts Cat, it's for her own good.

A couple of months after Tori starts at Hollywood Arts, she finds her rightful place amongst the students. After a little first day drama with Jade West, the girl from the dressing room, things start to mellow out. (Also, Jade thankfully never mentions the Showcase incident, although she has several opportunities to do it.) Since Tori knew Andre from the beginning, he automatically granted her entrance into his friend group. It consists of Robbie Shapiro, Cat Valentine, and unfortunately Jade and her boyfriend, Beck Oliver.

Robbie is an extremely awkward, but fairly nice boy. Although, he tends to say weird things that make everyone uncomfortable at times. Cat Valentine is the sweetest little thing, her personality very vivacious and childlike. She has dyed, flaming red hair to top it off. She's a little more than odd, but at least there's never a dull moment with her. Jade hates Tori, always making cracks at her and setting her up for failure at every chance she gets. Jade even dumped coffee on her head the first day. Tori seriously considered leaving, but decided to get revenge instead. She kissed Beck – who is a really nice guy, by the way – right in front of everyone as a part of an acting game.

Just when Tori thinks everything is normal for once in her life, it all goes bad. Very, very bad. One day, Cat starts talking about a new boy she'd been seeing. Tori thinks nothing of it, until he comes to school to see Cat. Tori is just walking down the hallway before class when she sees him. She gives out a faint yelp, and so does he, as they stare awkwardly at each other. Her brain goes into an absolute panic, and she can't decide whether or not to run. _He came back, _she thinks in utter horror, _to take me again_.

Daniel.

They make extremely uncomfortable small talk, and for the life of her, Tori can't figure out why he isn't grinning at her like he would do everyday in Pre-Calculus when she walked through the door. Eventually, to her immense relief, Beck and Jade show up. It's funny; Tori never in a million years thought she would be happy to see Jade. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. Jade interrogates Daniel and Tori, and they make up an almost laughable lie about how they used to "date".

"So, why'd ya dump her?" Jade asks Daniel, with a bitter sweet smile on her face. Tori looks away, avoiding Daniel's eyes now more than ever.

"Um, actually," Daniel starts to say. Tori freaks out, and for a moment she thinks he's actually going to tell the truth about what he did to her the year before.

"Y-You don't have to–" Tori begins coolly, though inside she's shaking.

"Tori broke up with me." He says instead, and she calms ever so slightly. All she wants to do is run far, far away. Because the boy she has hated for the past year, who is hardly even decent enough to be classified as a human being, is standing in right in front of her. He seized everything that she had in the world and took it away, stripped her clean of her dignity and self esteem along with her clothes. Tori can't believe he even has the gall to stand there and speak to her, after all the damage he caused what seems like so long ago.

Beck asks him why he's here. Suddenly intrigued, Tori repeats his question. Daniel explains that he's been seeing a girl that goes to Hollywood Arts, when Cat comes down the stairwell screaming his name. She jumps into his arms and they kiss as he spins her around in the air. Tori can't breathe. _Not Cat, anyone but Cat. _Tori thinks over and over, her brain trying to come up with a solution to this horrific problem.

Somewhere along the line, it gets explained to Cat that Tori and Daniel were "involved" before. Then, Tori finds herself caught – literally – in the middle of Cat and Daniel, who are making out, and Beck and Jade, who are following their lead. Tori leaves in a confused, scared state. She goes through her classes one by one in a foggy daze. She honestly couldn't tell you what had been happening in Government class or Speech; her mind was certainly elsewhere.

The week passes with Daniel worming his way through the group to be closer to Cat. It's all Tori can do not to throw up; not because she's jealous, oh _God_ no, but because she's so very afraid for Cat. She's the most innocent, sweet girl Tori knows, and surely she wouldn't give up her virginity to Daniel at sixteen years old. (Honestly, Tori isn't even sure if Cat knows what virginity is.) Tori knows that if Cat doesn't let him have it, Daniel will surely take it from her. How can Tori watch her go through that?

While she's been at Hollywood Arts, Cat has been her best girl friend. They've shared many sleepovers and shopping trips and Tori is really grateful for it. She can't just stand by while some sleazy, disgusting, cruel boy takes everything away from Cat just as he did with her. So, at the annual Hollywood Arts Kickback, Tori takes matters into her own hands.

She stays close enough to see Daniel and Cat the whole night, but they don't notice her. They're too busy dancing, laughing, talking, and kissing. It really sickens Tori, but there's nothing she can do without appearing envious. While eating questionable sausage made by Sikowitz, her favorite acting teacher, she spots them making out against the wall. Tori's eyes fixate themselves on Cat and Daniel. Dread washes all over her when she sees his grimy little hand snake its way up Cat's shirt.

_I have to do something, anything!_ Tori thinks hurriedly, looking around for something shiny or pretty to distract Cat with. There are a couple of forks, but it's not good enough. Her thoughts race to come up with some solution, and quick. Finally, she sees the cheese fondue fountain just sitting on a table, and it's all she's got, so she runs to it. There's no time to think about what she's doing, she just does it. Eyeballing it quickly, Tori cranks one of the nozzles, sending cheese spraying all over Daniel and Cat.

It definitely gets his hands off, but it also sends every eye Tori's way. Now, memories come flooding back to her all at once. There he is, the boy who caused this mess, standing right there in front of her, taunting her with his cold eyes. Suddenly, she's back in the movie theater, his threats and taunts filling her ears like the high pitched screams of a gory horror movie. Tori can't look at him anymore, her brain screaming at her legs to run. She does run; she runs as far into the depths of the school as she can. She finally settles on hiding in the black box theater, figuring Daniel can't find her there.

Tori feels like total, absolute shit. She lets herself curl into a pathetic ball as she screams into her arms. Suddenly, her whole body aches and hurts, like she's being raped all over again. When she's finally done, she allows her thoughts to consume her. How could she just leave Cat with Daniel like that, when his intentions were obviously clear? Beck and Jade find her. She goes through the motions, not really processing any of the things they're saying. And then, Tori gets an idea.

She hurriedly gets away from Jade and Beck, and finds Daniel sitting on the staircase in the main hallway. He doesn't seem to notice Tori walk up. Taking a deep breath, she tells herself that this is what must be done, if she wants to protect Cat. And more than anything, she does. "Don't do it," Tori states meekly, her voice hoarse and puny. She doesn't allow herself to back down, though, as Daniel turns to look her in the eye.

He gives a small, cocky smirk. "Don't do what, Tori?" When it's just the two of them, alone, she makes note that he's not "shy" anymore.

"Don't hurt her like you hurt me." Tori mentally applauds herself for sounding more confident and menacing, although she's knows she's nowhere close to him.

"And why shouldn't I?" He says threateningly, an ominous laugh falls past his disgusting lips – the lips that once forced themselves onto hers. She takes a seat next to him on the stairs, mentally preparing herself. Tori can feel her whole life crumbling around her with what she's about to do and it's an awful feeling. It's all she can do not to run away again, but she just keeps reminding herself that this is something she must do.

"What if–" Tori clears her throat, "What if, instead of doing it to Cat, I let you…Do it to me?" And there it is, her fate is now spread out before her like some sort of unrealistic novel; this is it. She sees Daniel knocking on her door, coming into her house, going up to her room, and corrupting her. She imagines him calling her late at night, saying that he needs her. She would go to him, because she'd have to, and they would do it. She's making the ultimate deal with the Devil, but it is for Cat. So, really, it's okay.

And now Daniel's lips are on hers once more, but it's not as rough as last time. It certainly doesn't feel right, though, but Tori knows it never will. She kisses back and tries to do a good job, because she fears that if she doesn't, he'll look to Cat for better services. Speaking of Cat, she chooses this exact moment to come into the hallway. Tori has no idea where she comes from, but she's brought to her attention when she gasps.

Cat begins to cry, and Tori suddenly feels a thousand times worse. Before Tori can say anything to make it better, Cat storms away, all tears and a broken heart. Tori feels tears of her own welling up in her eyes, but she absolutely can't let Daniel have the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Not again. "She'll get over it." He says, like it's no big deal. "She's too stupid not to." Tori has to bite her tongue from screaming that Cat isn't stupid.

Daniel laughs. "So, what do ya say you let me give you a ride home?" Tori winces internally, and slowly nods her head. She shoots a text to Andre, who brought her, saying that she caught a ride and not to worry. She contemplates tagging SOS onto the end of the text, but she knows that wouldn't be a wise thing to do. Once in the parking lot, Tori recognizes Daniel's black SUV and notices the tinted windows. Fantastic.

As soon as they get inside and shut the door, his lips shove against hers once more. She lets him take each piece of clothing away one by one, until she's just lying on the seat in her underwear. In spite of herself, she lets a few tears escape her eyes as he roughly rips her bra off, then her underwear. His clothes come off too in a rush, and as his boxers come off and a condom goes on, Tori braces herself. It hurts just as much as the first time – and it lasts even longer – but she tries to ignore the pain and lets her thoughts wander.

She almost smiles when she pictures an older Cat Valentine in a happy marriage with three beautiful kids. Robbie's her loving, devoted husband who never hits her, he directs real Hollywood films and they live very comfortably in a nice house in Beverly Hills. Cat's a singer, of course, who occasionally stars in Robbie's movies and a few others. They have two handsome boys and a beautiful girl, and their names are Tyler, Rebecca, and Seth. (Cat's has talked about baby names numerous times.) Together, they all make a gorgeous, happy family.

Thanks to Tori, Cat is able to have the same positive outlook on life she's always had, and her relationships stay normal, because her psyche was never damaged from being raped. Her first time is with Robbie in college when they're both virgins, and even though it hurts, Cat is still happy it happens. Robbie and Cat stay in touch with all of their friends, and everyone stays as close as they were in high school. Beck and Jade get married right out of high school, and they're both successful Hollywood actors. Andre is a singer, and by the time he's twenty-two years old, his first album goes platinum.

Tori gets what she always wanted; to be a pop singer. She's as famous as Andre; they even begin to work on a duet album together. Her acting career starts when she snags the lead of Final Destination 16, and then she luckily goes on to bigger and better movie deals. Tori eventually tells her friends that Daniel raped her multiple times all those years ago, leaving many emotional wounds. She also shows them the faded scars from the various knives and blades. They all comfort her in open arms – even Jade – and Cat sobs when Tori tells her the truth about why her and Daniel were caught kissing on the Hollywood Arts staircase.

Tori attends therapy once a week to sort everything out, and it surprisingly works wonders. She finds herself actually happy for once, and it's incredible. There are no worries; no Daniel lurking around the corner, no blade pressed to Tori's skin. Most importantly, Cat is safe and always will be. Even though it was the hardest, worst thing Tori ever had to do, she's immensely glad that she had sex with Daniel back in high school. Everything worked out the way she always wanted. Perfect.

"Bitch, I _said_ put your clothes back on!" Tori's jerked back into the present, where Daniel is screaming at her as he struggles with his belt. She tries to move from her spot, but all she can do is stare at him. He slaps her right in the face, hard, which brings warm tears stinging her eyes. "Do what I tell you to do or I go to Cat. Wouldn't want that would we?" Tori quickly shakes her head no and gets dressed rapidly.

He takes her home in silence, and when he drops her off he says something about calling her soon. Tori just nods, hoping that soon means two hundred million years later. Before she walks into her house, she composes herself. She's an actress after all; she chooses to look at this as a challenge. When she goes inside, her parents are both sitting on the couch watching a movie. They look so happy with the other's presence, as if it's all they need in the whole world. Tori has trouble not crying.

She wishes them goodnight and makes sure to say 'I love you' to both her parents. She even kisses them both on the cheek, leaving them pleasantly surprised. Tori wants so desperately to be their little girl again; the little girl who played hopscotch and jumped rope with her friends. The little girl who would never, _ever_ cut herself on purpose, because that's just gross. The little girl that didn't know what the word rape meant.

When Tori gets upstairs, she makes sure to take her time brushing her teeth and washing her face, prolonging the time until she has to go to bed. Because she knows as soon as the lights go off, the tears will come on. And when she gets in the shower and starts to scrub her skin with Blueberry Sunshine scented soap, all she can see and feel are his hands on her body. She rubs her skin raw trying to get them off, and it gets to the point that her arm starts to bleed. She ends up on the shower floor, crying, until the hot water runs out.

The next week, Tori drags Cat into the janitor's closet to force her to accept the apology. Long story short, Cat forgives Tori, but Tori ends up with a severely bruised nose. Everything turns back to normal again, except when Daniel calls Tori. He picks her up and they go out to some abandoned parking lot in Northridge. He does his thing, and it's not so bad, because Tori gets to imagine how great life will be once she can get past this. Afterward, though, she feels like a horrible person. She's the person her best friend's boyfriend is cheating with.

When he takes her home, Tori tells her mother that she'll do the dishes tonight. She makes sure no one's watching and then purposefully throws a wine glass on the ground. It looks like an accident, so she doesn't get in trouble. When she's cleaning up, she sneaks a shard of broken glass. She goes into the bathroom and carves in small letters "good friend" into her upper arm.

** This chapter reminds me of that Potter Puppet Pals when Harry hits his head against a wall going, "Angst, angst, angst..."  
>You know, because this chapter's so angsty.<strong>

** Tell me what you guys think, please, please, PLEASE! Even if you think this story is the worst thing since Rebecca Black, tell me anyway. (It's not **_**that**_** bad is it?)**

** Reviews are the window to the soul, you know. A lot of people think it's the eyes, but those people are what I like to call wrong.**


	3. Nice and Perfect

**Hello there. Before I start talking shamelessly about reviews, are my chapters too long and boring? I feel like they are. Please tell me your opinion! On a related note, I got awesome reviews for the last chapter! Wow, just amazing you guys. Again, more reviews are always welcome! Also again, a special thanks to the ones who did review:**

** parkitcharlie: Your review made me laugh! I'm glad you like the story!**

** BigStuOU: I know, it is pretty bittersweet. Things only get worse from here, my friend.**

**playing tragic: Your review was very nice! I checked out some of your centric stories and you're an AMAZING writer! I'm truly honored that you said I'm talented!**

** mazeygrace18: That's true, eventually Cat and Daniel break up, so I don't know what I'll do about that. Any suggestions? :)**

** Immortal Vows: Thanks! I'm glad you like it!**

** Ayamas4Ever: Thank you, and yeah I pretty much hate Daniel! :(**

** Disclaimer: I promise you that I don't own Victorious. Also, this chapter has some slash. Be warned!**

The first time she hurts Robbie, she doesn't mean to.

Around Christmas junior year, there's a knock on the Vega door. Tori opens it excitedly; all of her friends (and Daniel, thank God) are busy with the holidays except Robbie. So, when he called saying he needed to talk, Tori invited him over. Christmas is in two days and she's been incredibly bored around the house, so it'll be good to have a little company. She usually enjoys spending time with Robbie, as long as he isn't hitting on her….which is often.

He rushes into the room without so much as a hello and sits on the couch. Normally, Tori would roll her eyes at this, but something is obviously wrong. His shoulders are slumped over and his face is red and puffy, as if he's been crying. Robbie takes his glasses off and sets them on the table. He let's out a huge sigh as he murmurs sadly, "Hi." After hearing that, Tori hurries to the couch, puts one arm around him, and rubs his shoulder comfortingly.

"Aw, Robbie, what's the matter?" She coaxes, "Did Beck and Jade have another fight?" Robbie is known for bursting into tears when Beck and Jade start to go at it. He draws in a sharp breath and says, "Yeah, but that's not all."

Tori just looks at him, her eyes pressing him for more information. It takes him a minute or two, but Robbie finally seems to gain enough courage to tell the story. "Well, see, Beck and Jade broke up. Sh-She called him while he was over playing video games. She was mad because he wanted to stay at my house. He hung up and started to cry." He snivels a little and then wipes his nose with the sleeve of his shirt. Tori takes this time to wonder what happened, genuinely surprised that Beck actually _cried_. "And then he put his head on my shoulder and gave me a hug. When he was done he looked up at me and I just swore that I saw something in his eyes and I…I just…kissed him!"

Tori gives a large gasp, and her hands fly over her mouth. Robbie begins to cry as he hides his face in his hands. "Oh Robbie," she says softly, "you didn't." He just nods his head and Tori pats him on the back, wishing there was something she could do. All she can think of is to pull him into a hug, and when she does, Robbie really breaks down. He sobs and makes small gasping noises, followed by choking sounds. Tori lets him cry it out, all the while thinking wearily, _At least he won't be hitting on my anymore_.

Robbie eventually pulls away, done crying for now. "So does this mean you're…gay?" Tori asks slowly, trying not to offend the broken boy. He hesitates, and then nods miserably. Poor Robbie, that's gotta hurt. "Want to tell me what happened after that? You don't have to." Tori adds and he just shrugs.

"He was nice enough about it, said that he isn't gay. He didn't freak out and he didn't get mad. He even…he even started crying again. Then I started crying. He sort of held out his arms and we kind of hugged again as we cried together, and it was so hard. Tori, I was holding on to something that I knew I had to let go. It's been _years_ that it's been like this for me around Beck and I've just ruined the best friendship I've ever had and –"

Tori is listening so intently, hanging on to every word, that she jumps when there's a knock at the door. Robbie hides his face in the pillow as she gets up to answer the door. She can't hide the surprise on her face when she finds Beck at her door. Just the sight of him makes her eyes go wide; she's so used to seeing him well put together. Even in this state, though, she has to admit he still looks attractive. The boy standing in front of Tori looks just as wrecked as Robbie, however. His eyes are shrunken in and his clothes are messed up, his paled face tells that he's been crying.

"Is…Is Rob here?" He asks in a raspy voice. Tori doesn't have to say anything; Robbie immediately looks up from the pillow with huge eyes. He stands, then opens his mouth as if to say something, and then doesn't. Beck takes one small step into the living room and Tori takes a step back, curious as to what's happening. "I'm so sorry, Robbie." Beck says as his voice breaks, and there are tears in his eyes.

Robbie looks at the floor and crosses his arms, which Tori knows from her acting classes is a sign of insecurity. "You're amazing, Rob; the best guy I know. You're funny and handsome and so damned smart–"

"Then why don't you want me?" Robbie says with as much force as Tori's ever heard from him. She knows she should leave them alone, but her feet are glued to the floor.

"Who…Who says I don't?" Beck's voice is quiet, but it's plenty loud enough for Tori and Robbie to hear. Tori's mouth hangs open and Robbie's eyes are as wide as can be. He begins to cry, though he's smiling, and this time it's Beck to the rescue. They embrace each other, Robbie's head in the nook of Beck's shoulder, and Tori can't help but break into a wide grin. Who would have ever in a million years thought Beck Oliver and Robbie Shapiro would be together?

Robbie cries into Beck's shoulder as Beck runs his fingers through Robbie's curly hair. "Shhhh," he cajoles, "I won't hurt you again, Rob, I promise. I'm done with Jade, okay? It's you and me now, all the way. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." When everything calms down, they all end up watching a movie on Tori's couch. Robbie falls asleep on Beck's shoulder, their fingers intertwined.

"So," Tori says to Beck with a smile, "you and Robbie, huh? How long has that been building up?" He grins back at her and kisses Robbie on the forehead.

"Well, actually, Robbie was my first kiss back when we were thirteen." Pure shock lights Tori's face. "It was so…well, not to be too cliché, but it was beautiful. Everything first kisses are made up to be, you know?" She nods, and with a heavy heart she can't help but think about what her first kiss was like. "I guess it always stuck with me, even when I was dating Jade. See, before that, Robbie and I…experimented, I guess you could say."

He chuckles as Tori's facial expression twists in disgust. "Good to know. Now that I can never sleep again due to those traumatic images that will forever plague my brain, I want to say that I'm happy for you." Robbie shifts away from Beck, tears their fingers apart, curling up against the edge of the couch. Beck asks if there are any blankets lying around, and Tori gives him directions to a small closet upstairs.

When Beck comes back with two quilts and sets them gently on Robbie's sleeping form and then gives him a gentle kiss on the lips, an incredibly strong feeling ignites inside of Tori. Suddenly, the feeling of raw jealousy and rage flow through her veins so quickly and rapidly that she acts purely on impulse. Why can't she have that kind of loving, normal relationship? She isn't a bad person; she doesn't deserve to be any boy's sex toy. The need to be close to someone, anyone, normal becomes unbearable.

"So, Beck, are you, like…bisexual?" Tori asks as she stands from the couch, trying her best to sound purely curious. Beck shrugs and then nods. And then, without thinking for one second about what she's getting herself and everyone else into, Tori grabs the back of Beck's neck and pulls him into a kiss.

Surprised, Beck makes a strangled noise, which wakes Robbie. As soon as he registers what's going on, he's at his feet immediately. "Beck!" He screams, and it's loud enough to wake all of Los Angeles. Beck and Tori break apart, and she realizes what she has just done. She hopes and prays with all her might that it's an awful dream. Tori can already feel the guilt washing over her, drowning her, swallowing her whole. Then everything happens in fast motion.

Robbie moves swiftly to the door, tears streaming down his face. Beck is at his heels, yelling, "Robbie! No, Rob it's not what you think–" They make it to the entrance when Robbie slams the door in Beck's face. Beck stands there and leans his forehead against the wooden frame.

"Beck, I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened." Tori tries to explain desperately. He turns to her, his eyes full of tears. He turns the doorknob slowly and prepares to walk out, when Tori exclaims desperately, "I cut myself!" That stops him. He turns around and shoots her a disbelieving look. She quickly rolls up her sleeve, where the pink, scarred words "good friend" and "talented" are cut.

He just stares for a few minutes examining her cuts, mutters "Oh my god" over and over, and then nods. He gestures to Tori with his hand indicating that she should explain. She sighs and says it's a long story and that she'll go make hot chocolate. While she does, Beck calls Robbie and tries to make it clear that it's just a horrible mistake. Robbie doesn't have any of it and immediately hangs up.

They sit down with their drinks and then Tori begins. She tells him everything – except saying that Daniel didn't rape her, just threatened to. She lies and says that she just gave into him and had sex. She says that Daniel threatened to rape Cat as well and that's why she's sleeping with him now – and Beck doesn't interrupt once. He just sits, periodically checking his phone and texting Robbie. When Tori's done, he doesn't say anything, just wraps her into a hug and starts to cry again. She does too, and it's somewhat of a relief to have it all mostly off her chest.

Then Beck gets a phone call from Robbie. Tori grabs it before he can answer and yells, "Robbie! I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened. Please don't blame Beck, it was all me, I swear–"

"Can I just talk to Beck?" Robbie's voice is cold and hard, so Tori just whimpers internally and hands the phone over to Beck. How could she have been so heartless? She hurt two of her friends probably beyond repair. But Tori's good at fixing things, isn't she?

Tori hears Robbie say, "Beck, I know this isn't your fault. I'm not blaming you, but I know that this kind of thing would happen a lot if we started dating. Girls would probably be all over you trying to…ch-change you all the time. I'm sorry, Beck, I just can't handle that. I forgive you for this incident, I really do. But I don't forgive Tori, she's just too…mean." She's sure that he adds on the last part because he knows she's listening. She deserves it, though.

Beck hangs up and just stares at his phone for the longest time. He doesn't cry, which surprises Tori. She can't bring herself to say much, either, even though she knows she should be apologizing. "We wouldn't have worked, anyway," He says eventually. "I'm Beck Oliver, you know? I'm not that gay guy; I'm the one who is with Jade West. The perfect power couple." Beck scoffs the last part bitterly. "I'm glad this happened, really I am. I promise." Tori is forced to believe him, she can tell he isn't lying.

Eventually, Beck goes home, promising not to tell anyone her secret. Tori texts Robbie literally fourteen times begging for his forgiveness. By the time four o'clock in the morning rolls around, she gives up and goes to bed. Christmas passes all too quick, and in the blink of an eye everyone's back at school. Jade and Beck get back together, of course, and (without telling Jade) Beck calls Tori every so often to make sure she isn't cutting. She promised she wouldn't, and so far she's kept it. She's proud of herself.

About two weeks after school starts – and Tori is about to give up on him – Robbie approaches her at school. He says that he's forgiven her, but she can tell he hasn't. She takes it, though, feeling about as guilty as ever. She knows she hurt Robbie in ways beyond restoration, but there's not much she can do. If she could go back, she would.

Often, Tori finds herself thinking of how Robbie said she was mean. It is such a simple term, Tori thinks, but she decides that it just might fit her. Because only truly mean people do what she has done. Eventually, the word mean consumes her; she thinks of it all the time, the remark implanted in her brain. She even has a horrible recurring nightmare where she's performing on a Broadway stage, and when she's about to take a bow, she spots Robbie in the audience. She smiles and waves, but the whole crowd just starts shouting "MEAN!" over and over.

It gets so bad that she ends up breaking her promise to Beck and cuts "nice" into her thigh.

/

The first time she hurts Jade, the heartache goes both ways.

Valentine's Day rolls around, and Beck breaks up with Jade after everyone enters a couple's game show and they lose. Afterward at Tori's house, everyone goes back to playing a poker game that they started before the Beck and Jade drama. When they all leave, Tori calls Jade and invites her over. Surprisingly, she shows up. She doesn't cry like the last time he broke up with her; they just sit up in Tori's room until Jade says she's going to take a shower.

A couple minutes after the water turns off, Tori hears gagging noise followed by a few sobs. The Latina is at her feet at once, hoping Jade's alright. She may not particularly enjoy the black-haired girl, but Tori hates seeing her upset. She generally doesn't like seeing anyone upset; she's somewhat of a perfectionist. Anyway, she races down the hall to the bathroom and opens it without hesitation. She's just in time to see Jade on her knees over the toilet, her fingers crammed down her throat. She's totally naked, and the word "UGLY" is freshly cut in capital letters on her arm.

"Jade!" Tori screams, but it's too late. A fresh stream of vomit flows from Jade's mouth and the brown haired girl can't help but cringe. Jade wretches three or four times and then begins to dry heave. Tori holds her hair out of her face until the taller girl is finished. Then, while Jade leans her cheek on the cool porcelain, Tori gets two wet towels; one for Jade's forehead and the other for her bleeding arm, which has now collected a pool of blood on the floor.

After a few minutes of cleaning Jade and everything else up, Tori offers her a robe and they go to Tori's room. Jade puts on the black sweatpants and t-shirt she brought, not speaking the whole time. Tori notices that the t-shirt is from when Hollywood Arts did the Wizard of Oz. She vaguely remembers seeing it; she's pretty sure Cat was Dorothy and Jade was the Wicked Witch. Trina was the legs of the witch under the house. When Jade's done she sits on the floor, and just looks at the other girl as if expecting her to say something. "You know, we should probably put some disinfectant on that." It's all she can think of.

Jade just laughs. "Well, you would know about the proper way to take care of a _self inflicted_ cut, wouldn't you, Tor?"

Tori's eyebrows knit together in anger as she crosses her arms defensively. "I'm just trying to help you here, Jade." She says, looking her straight in the eye, "Everyone needs a little help sometimes."

"Well not me." The goth shoots back. Tori stands her ground.

"Then why are you here? Huh?"

"Because," Jade smirks, "we're the same." The Latina scoffs, but before she can say anything, the girl begins again, "Don't pretend like you don't know that. You're sick and so am I. Only mentally unstable people cut themselves, you know." Tori's at her feet in one quick motion, and then so is Jade.

"I'm not mentally unstable!" Tori shouts, though her voice breaks on the last word. "I'm fine."

"You weren't fine at the showcase."

"That was a long time ago."

"Eight months isn't that long. I'm willing to bet you've got tons of cuts under those long sleeves, hmm?" Jade wastes no time in yanking Tori's left sleeve up and she finds "good friend" and "talented" cut. _The same scars I showed Beck_, Tori thinks as she glares at the pale girl in front of her. Jade gives a small laugh. "This was my first time," Jade whispers seductively, as if the whole thing just seemed like a joke.

"You know," Jade says mockingly, "I just thought, 'Oh, well if perfect little Tori Vega does it, it must be cool.'" When she sees a few tears stream down Tori's face, Jade brushes them away and sarcastically says, "Don't worry, sweetie, I bet it's all the rage in the Psycho Ward."

Tori swats her hand away and starts yelling, "I am not perfect!"

"You're right; you're an ugly, stupid, untalented little _bitch_ who doesn't deserve to be at this school." Jade begins to full out cry, now, and Tori does as well. "You are the most flawed person I have ever met, Tori Vega! And you can just go–"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" The other girl screams as she slams her hands to her ears. This finally shuts Jade up, and Tori begins to holler, "You think you're real hot shit, huh? Beck obviously didn't want you, no one does. You're pathetic! Bulimia, Jade, really? You think you're fat? God, you are such an attention whore! I HATE YOU!" She screeches her last words so loud she's surprised her parents don't come up to see what's going on.

When Tori sees the look on Jade's face she instantly feels bad; the taller girl isn't crying anymore, just looking at the ground. Her face is warped into an obviously pained expression; it looks as if she's bracing herself for some kind of attack. Tori looks around for her broken shard of glass. She hadn't used it since Christmas and actually forgot where she put it.

When Jade realizes what Tori's doing she says, "No, Tori, don't. Come on, I didn't mean that stuff. I-I'm just mad at Beck and I took it out on you. Tori stop, please." She doesn't listen; she just sits on the floor and rolls up her pant leg. "Vega, no, stop!"

Tori just holds out her hand to silence Jade. "Let me do this," is all she says. Jade sits on the bed and curls into the fetal position, her eyes screwed shut. The glass only been used a couple of times so it doesn't take the brunette girl very long to carve the word into her leg. "I'm done, Jade."

"I'm sorry," Jade whispers it at first, then repeats it, getting louder and louder each time. She sits up on the bed. Tori stands from the floor and sits next to Jade, and they embrace. They cry together, both saying sorry about a thousand times. Tori's really done it; she's broken Jade West and now knows that there's a real person there. She always thought this moment would be amazing, victorious even. So why does Tori feel so bad?  
>Tori wakes up the next morning with a note taped to her forehead. In messy scrawl, it reads, "I'm going home. This doesn't mean we're friends now. Never speak of it again." Sure enough, Jade is gone. Tori stretches and notices a throb in her leg, remembering what happened the night before. She looks down and sees "perfect" sliced into her leg.<p>

**So, yeah. You should review.**

** Please, try to make them nice reviews? My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me five days ago and I'm just a mess. He broke it off with me right before I had a solo for orchestra contest, too. I did that Saturday. (I got a two rating, by the way. Two means excellent :D) Anyway, after that I pretty much broke down and cried for a few hours.**

** It hurts. A lot.**

** I'm too tired and emotionally wrecked to come up with a witty way to tell you to review. So, just please review. It would make me smile.**

** See you next time.**


	4. A Loyal, Good Sister

**Hello, beautiful people! Great reviews for the last chapter. As always, more would be awesome! To those special people who did review:**

** playingtragic: Awwww, thanks! It's sweet of you to offer me comfort :)**

** parkitcharlie: Again, THANKS SO SO SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! :D :D **

** Ayamas4Ever: I'm glad they aren't too long! And we shall see, huh? (:**

**Disclaimer: I own your mom, not this TV show. Get it right.**

The first time she hurts Trina, she's never forgiven.

"Trina!" Tori groans. It's June and school has just ended, so that means it's still a whole month until Trina is shipped off to her singing camp just like every summer. But still, one month of blissful quiet requires a whole two weeks of Tori's sister practicing for the talent show which is at the end of the camp. It's only been two days, but Tori can already tell this year is going to be unbearable. She swears Trina gets worse every year.

"I have to practice!" Trina yells back from her room. Tori's all the way in the living room and it still feels like the older girl is screaming right into her ear. Tori decides to call Cat to help pass the time. Speaking of Cat, she broke up with Daniel. First, Tori was so ecstatic, but immediately afterward Daniel called her and practically threatened to kill her if she didn't keep having sex with him.

"Hey, Cat!" Tori says into the phone, thankful for a distraction from her sister's bellowing.

"Hi, Tori! Is someone dying?" The redhead sounds genuinely concerned and Tori can't help but laugh.

"No, no, just Trina singing."

"Oh! He-he," Cat giggles.

Tori has to yell for Cat to be able to hear her. "I know, she's my sister and I love her and everything," Trina comes down the stairs and stops singing but Tori doesn't notice and keeps on yelling into her cell phone, "but my God, she has got to be the worst singer I've ever heard. Seriously, my ears have been bleeding all day! Sometimes I really wonder how she even got in to Hollywood Arts. I think she should just quit and save us both some embarrassment!" Trina lets out a wail and darts up to her room.

Tori drops her phone, then quickly picks it up again and hurriedly tells Cat she'll talk to her later. She bolts up the stairs just to find that Trina's locked her door. "Trina, please let me in! I didn't mean it!" Surprisingly enough, the door swings open. Tori didn't think it would be that easy.

It's not.

"You think I don't know I'm horrible?" Trina isn't yelling or crying, her voice is calm, as if she's explaining to someone how to knit a scarf. "Why do you like singing onstage, Tori?" she asks. Tori's taken aback.

"Uh, well, it's like I'm flying, I guess. Like, there's no one else in the world except for me. I feel important…I feel like a star."

"Yeah, me too. But I'm not good at it, so I'm shunned. You wanna know how I got in to Hollywood Arts, Tori? I gave one of judges a blow job and he let me in. Everyone hates me, just for doing what I love and have gone to extremes to get. The reason I'm so…crude to everyone is because it's easier. You have no idea how many times I've spent holed up in my room, sobbing about how hated I am. How untalented I am, too. So maybe next time you should think before you scream to your little friends about me." Tori is absolutely and utterly shocked. Trina really did that with the judge? She had no idea her sister ever felt this way.

"Trina, I didn't–"

"Fuck you, Tori." With that, Trina slams the door right in her face. Shocked, Tori slowly walks back to her room. All this time she just figured that her sister was the arrogant, conceited person she made herself out to be. Tori never took the time to consider that maybe, under all her glitz and glamour, Trina has feelings and cries like everyone else. She just figured that the only thoughts that surrounded her sister's head were just about herself. Tori never once even stopped to consider how Trina felt when someone laughed at her or yelled at her. She realizes now that the older girl is a brilliant actress; she acts so vain and stuck-up to the naked eye, but under the surface there's so much more going on.

Trina never accepts her apology. She just goes back to acting like her haughty, over-confident self, but Tori knows better. They never speak of the incident again, but the younger Vega girl notices the way her sister looks at her. Tori knows deep in her heart that she deserves it, but it's easier to just pretend like nothing ever happened. She realizes that she's always taking the easy way out. She thinks, _Whenever I'm in a bad situation, I say to myself, 'What's best way to get myself out of this without getting hurt?' _

She used to consider everyone else's feelings first before even thinking about her own. Now, she forgets everyone in the world exists except for her. She never would have thought that Trina would really be the good sister and Tori the selfish, egocentric one. One day a few weeks later, she feels so out of control; as if the weight of the world is resting on her shoulders. She slips a kitchen knife from one of the drawers and heads straight to her room. Her broken piece of glass went dull months ago, and she hasn't had to cut since then.

Oh well.

Cautiously, as she's never cut herself with a knife before, she carves into her right leg. Soon, the blood comes. Tori allows herself a faint smile as she sees the blood pour out of her wound like a beautiful melody. Because, really, if blood were a melody it would be her favorite song. She likes the way the cut looks; very clean and easy to read. It says "good sister" in small letters.

/

The first time she hurts Beck, she regrets nothing.

When they get back to school in September, things begin to work themselves into a new routine. At first it's awkward at Tori's lunch table with Beck and Jade (not to mention Robbie) but it eventually becomes normal again. The Latina girl can't help but look around the table and notice that Andre and Beck are the only people she hasn't hurt yet. Yet being the operative word, of course.

Tori continues sleeping with Daniel, but she decides it isn't so bad. She still blocks him out when he does his thing, so she hardly even notices him anymore. Her grades drop a bit; nothing major, just A's and B's to B's and C's. Tori's parents say as long as she's trying hard, they don't mind. She's not trying hard, though, but she figures you don't need fantastic grades or even a college education to become a big Hollywood star.

At the beginning of October, rumors begin to circulate about Beck having a new girlfriend. No one knows who it is, though, and Tori can never seem to get it out of him. Then, one day while browsing The Slap, she's sees Beck's relationship status change to, "In a relationship with Cat Valentine". Tori has to do a double take at the computer screen; she absolutely can't believe it. Cat and Beck? She never even thought they were really that great of friends.

Tori's supportive, though, of course. She loves them both and she's happy for them. Everyone else is encouraging to them as well, even Jade. A few weeks later when Beck and Tori are working on a project in his RV, her pant leg comes up. She yanks it down fast, but it's too late; Beck has already noticed.

"Tori, what's that?" he asks, reaching towards her leg.

"No!" she blurts out, knowing immediately it's the wrong thing to do. He's not stupid, though. It doesn't take rocket science to figure out what's going on here. Slowly, Beck lifts up the leg of her pants, revealing "perfect" cut on her calf. After a minute of him just staring at it with his brows knit together, Tori pulls down her jean leg with trembling hands.

"S-Say something, Beck, please," she says, her voice weak and shaky. Beck stands up from his spot on the floor and walks around the small space, running his fingers through his hair.

"God damn it, Tori!" he yells suddenly, making Tori jump a bit. "You promised you wouldn't do it again!"

"I know, Beck, but I just…h-had to."

"No you didn't. God, this is just like you; you go around hurting everyone around you when they're just trying to help. Why are you pushing me away? I thought we were friends!" Beck's pointing at her now, and for some reason it makes her mad. She stands, too.

"I remember, when we were on the phone once," she says, her voice exceptionally powerful, "You told me – no, you promised me – that you would never leave me. That if I started cutting again, you would be there for me. You promised, Beck!"

"I guess we all break promises sometimes. Listen, Tori, I'm really sorry. I just can't…deal with this anymore. I'm sorry,"

"No, Beck, please don't leave, I just need a friend…" Tori trails off, as tears sting in her eyes. Her hand finds his and she's begging now, but she doesn't care. "I just have to work through this, please stay. Please! Beck!"

He pries her hand from his. "No, Tori. I can't help someone who I can't be loyal to, and who can't be loyal to me. This is just as much my fault as it is yours. You have to go. I'm sorry, just get some help alright?" Beck gives her a small kiss on the cheek, and then leads her out to her car. She drives home in a daze. She's thankful she doesn't wreck her car; the road seems to be blurred by her tears.

After she gets home, she cries until the early hours of the morning. Around two thirty, she drifts to sleep. The next morning she wakes up with so much anger and resentment towards Beck she can hardly stand it. When lunch comes around, Tori mounts the little stage overlooking the Asphalt Café. She acts purely on impulse, once again. She doesn't give herself time to think about how it's a bad idea, she just does it.

"Hey guys!" Tori says into the microphone. Mostly everyone cheers, some call her name and wave. She smiles back. "So everyone knows how my friends Cat Valentine and Beck Oliver are dating, right? Aren't they adorable?" Another cheer as Tori gestures to Cat and Beck. Cat waves to everyone with a grin and giggle, but Beck just gives a small smile and looks at up at Tori skeptically.

"Well, I thought I might need to make a little announcement: Ladies and gentlemen, our very own Beck Oliver is bisexual." Dead silence. Tori gets off the stage and runs straight to her car. She skips the rest of the day to avoid the crowd that she's sure will harass her. A year ago she would have felt so incredibly bad about what she's just done, but she doesn't feel much of anything right now besides satisfaction. That's it; the feeling of pure satisfaction courses through her. Beck deserves it; he broke his promise to her. Freshman year in health, Tori's class was told to always be supportive of a cutter. If they started again, you weren't supposed to get mad or threaten anything.

The next day at school, Tori loses count of how many times she's called a bitch. At first it hurts, but she gets used to it eventually. How dare they call her that, anyway? They have no idea what she's been through. Astonishingly, her friends let her eat with them. She sits next to Andre the whole time, glaring at her food with her arms folded across her chest. Everyone's extremely uncomfortable, save for Jade who just seems amused.

"Alright," Andre says suddenly, "We all hate this. Obviously, something's been going on here, but I say we all just forgive and forget for whatever the fuck happened between Beck and Tori." They all agree, but Tori and Beck are a little reluctant. They shake hands, though Tori knows that she'll never truly forgive him and he'll probably truly never forgive her. She also knows this is good, because she can just go back pretending like her life is perfect.

When she arrives home that afternoon, she feels more drained than ever. She hauls her tired self up to her room, where she finds her trusty old kitchen knife. She searches for a spot on her body, which is actually a bit difficult. Tori decides on her right thigh and begins cutting. When she's finished, she's pleased with the word "loyal" in red, oozing letters.

**If you don't review, I will personally call your mother and she will ground you.**

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	5. Loved

**Hola, my lovelies! As always, fantastic reviews for the last chapter! I would like to thank each and every one of my readers: you guys mean the world to me! I would be nowhere without you all, and I love you so much. Thank you :D**

** parkitcharlie: Gah, I know it was short, I'm sorry! Unfortunately, this one's short too. And oh my gosh, I'm SO happy you noticed the transition! I knew you would :)**

** Immortal Vows: Tee hee, this is true! Very dark :P**

** Ayamas4Ever: I know, but she has her reasons :/ Honestly, Tori isn't my favorite character, maybe that's why I write her like this!**

** BigStuOU: Yeah, I would've been mad at Beck too. You're right though, neither of them were right to do what they did. Meh :(**

** Mangos4Life: Thank you so much! (:**

** Disclaimer: Is this really necessary? I don't own Victorious, okay?**

The first time she hurts Andre, it's the last straw.

Around January senior year, Tori is contentedly eating lunch with Andre. Thankfully, they're alone; Robbie is off writing some song with Cat about bad news, Beck is rehearsing a play, and Jade is God knows where. It's nice for Tori to just sit and eat without having to look at someone she knows she's hurt. Because, let's face it, there's certainly been plenty of people who she's damaged.

They're pleasantly chatting about Sikowitz's new size of coconuts (Tori almost laughs because that sounds extremely sexual) and how their milk makes him irritable. Tori exclaims, "Yeah! Like, the other day, I was just walking in to ask for some help with a scene when he hit me with an empty jug of expired milk about five times and then yelled–"

"I like you more than a friend!" Andre quickly blurts out of nowhere, his eyes wide and almost frightened. Surprised, Tori chokes on her chicken salad sandwich. She coughs and sputters for a few minutes, gulping down huge swallows of water in the process. Eventually, she's able to calm herself down.

"No, that's not what he said," Tori jokes weakly, attempting to make light of the situation. "So you like me more than a friend, even after that less than attractive choking fest?" Andre gives a small smile and nod. She takes a moment to look at him – she really takes a good look at him. He's always been there for her when she needed a friend. Actually, he was her friend even before she started Hollywood Arts. Andre's the one who suggested she fill in for Trina, and the one who opened the curtain so the audience could convince her to come to the school.

Tori thinks of all the things he's helped her through, and she can't help but smile. Andre's been with her through thick and thin. He's a great guy, but there's so much he doesn't know about her. And the last time she told someone, everything went up in smoke. It's up to her to search through the ashes – could Andre assist her in doing that? Can she really trust him?

"Hey," he says worriedly, "how about tonight? You, me, a little Nozu, and some karaoke? What do you say?" Tori has to admit it's cute, the way he's talking fast and beginning to sweat. She thinks for a moment, and decides that something could definitely start up between her and Andre; because, why the hell not?

"Yes," Tori grins as he breathes a sigh of relief. They continue their conversation about more of Sikowitz's crazy antics, when the bell rings. Andre walks Tori to her class, even though it's out of his way and he's risking tardiness, and gives her a hug. They've hugged so many times before, but this is different. Tori notices the way he wraps his arms around her hips and slowly draws her close.

"I'll pick you up at seven," he whispers, a smile in his voice. They let go and Tori gives him a kiss on the cheek, butterflies fluttering in the pit of her stomach. It's been far too long since she's actually felt like this about a boy; the nervous smiles and anxious laughs, the close hugs and kisses. It's been so, so long since she hasn't been forced into a relationship. It's incredibly nice.

She grazes through the rest of the day, not even minding when she falls on her butt on roller skates in front of her whole PE class. Everyone laughs and they're all making comments about how "the perfect bitch isn't so perfect anymore" but Tori couldn't care less. It's not anything new anyway. A lot of people have been that way towards her since the whole Beck incident. It got even worse when Tori starred in one of the musicals and The Slap came out with a story about her. It had a bit where her friends all described her as "perfect." Everyone makes fun of her for it, now.

Tori finds Cat after school and asks if she wants to come and help with her hair and makeup before the date. She's thankful when the redhead agrees excitedly, because Tori can't help but feel like their friendship has been strained a bit. On the car ride to Tori's house, she asks, "So, Cat, how far have you gotten with Beck?" The taller girl grins evilly as the other blushes and laughs.

"Uh…" Cat says, before bursting into a fit of giggles. The Latina laughs, too, wondering how innocent Cat really is. "There's been…stuff," the smaller girl says, trying to be serious and nonchalant.

"Oooh, stuff, huh?" Tori says seductively as Cat slugs her playfully on the shoulder. Finally, they arrive at the Vega residence. They elatedly run from the car to the front door, chuckling the whole way. Tori is absolutely ecstatic; she missed having a best friend.

While Cat curls Tori's hair into perfect ringlets, she asks nervously, "Um, Tori?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you…make that announcement….because you had feelings for Beck?" Tori feels a big pang in her chest, feeling horrible. She never wanted to hurt Cat, just her boyfriend. She never really considered how Cat would come out in all of that, which just reminds Tori what a hideous person she's become.

"Oh, Cat, no. I promise I didn't," Tori answers pleadingly, willing herself not to cry.

"Okay," Cat replies, a small smile on her face. It doesn't hide anything, though; Tori can still see the obvious hurt in the little girl's pretty brown eyes.

"Finished!" the pale girl exclaims after applying Tori's makeup about fifteen minutes later. The face in the mirror stuns her. Cat really should think of a career in makeup, Tori thinks.

"Oh, my God!" Cat yells upon checking her PearPhone, "I promised Beck I would meet him at his RV in fifteen minutes! Gotta jet, Tor, text me later and tell me how it goes with Andre!" The girl bolts out of the room, and Tori can only hope that she's not just leaving because of their previous conversation.

"Okay, thanks for the help! I'll call you!" The tall girl shouts after Cat. Tori hears a simple "kay, kay!" before the door slams shut.

Not five minutes after Cat leaves, Tori's phone beeps. She picks it up to find a text message. From Daniel. _I need that special something from you, right now. On my way, be there in ten minutes._ Tori can feel her heart stop. No, no, this can't be happening. Not right now, when she's about to go on a date with Andre.

Checking the time, she finds that there's still about an hour until Andre's coming to pick her up, so she supposes it's enough time for Daniel to get in and out. Still, can she really do that? Will she _really_ be able to sleep with a guy, then ten minutes later go on a date with another? Just when she's about to call Daniel and say no, his voice pops into her head. "_If you slip up on our deal, even once, I will kill you._" Tori shivers and recoils in horror. She really has to do this.

He arrives soon, as promised, and Tori practically yanks him into the house. She's definitely thanking her lucky stars no one is home. "Okay, this has to be really quick," the girl says, immediately regretting it. Daniel's eyes go wide in surprise as his face breaks out into a wide smirk.

"I will go as fucking fast or slow as I want. We have a deal, right?" Daniel (rhetorically) asks, stroking her face condescendingly. Tori doesn't answer him, just puts on her face of pure stone. He forces her onto the couch roughly, but she's used to it. Daniel's never been one for foreplay, but tonight's different. Tori curses herself for saying he has to go fast, because now he's going painfully slow.

They kiss for a long time, probably about ten minutes, until he forces her to her knees. She's never done this before, but she guesses that she's doing alright. It's gross, really, and she just keeps thinking about all the diseases she's going to get. Who knows what other girls he has on the side, threatening them until he gets what he wants. However, as sick as it is, Tori can't help but feel special.

Wanted.

Even so, she hates Daniel. She hates him with every fiber of her being because he's ultimately the reason why she has hurt every single one of her friends. Tori is his own personal ball of clay; there to be molded into anything desired. Daniel has warped her into an awful, selfish person who doesn't care who she hurts. She knows that she doesn't deserve to have this date with Andre, and she doesn't deserve the forgiveness of all her friends.

There, on the floor, her knees aching, she realizes something. Maybe Daniel did start this forest fire, but it could've been extinguished. Tori had her chances, but she never took them. She thought she could fix things by herself, and she was very wrong. Each time she sliced her skin open with those sharp objects, it was just fueling the wild flames. All of the people close to her have tried so desperately to stamp them out, and this is her last chance.

She decides that Andre will be different. She'll spill her guts to him about Daniel, the cutting, the lies, _everything._ Tori's a little worried that he might flee from her the way Beck did, but she wills herself to believe that Andre is not like him. He will take her into open arms, no questions asked. He'll even go with her to tell her parents. Mr. Vega will arrest Daniel personally, making sure he never takes advantage of his daughter ever again.

Tori will begin seeing a therapist, and together they will figure out her issues. She'll get better and come clean to her friends. Of course, Robbie, Cat, and Trina will be the only ones who didn't already know. Still, they will all become as close as ever. No one will blame her anymore; she will be a new person. Tori will be her old self again. She will always put her friends and family before herself, just like in the old days.

Thinking this, she almost smiles. She wants to laugh at Daniel and desperately wants to say, "_Better enjoy this, because it's the last one you will ever get. I hear the sex isn't too good in prison._" Of course she doesn't say it, but it certainly doesn't hurt to think it.

"Hey Tori, I know I'm early but–"

Oh, God. No. NO!

"What the hell?" Andre asks, hurt filling his voice. "Is that…Is that Daniel? _Cat's_ Daniel? You fucking did it this time, Tori," She gets up from the floor in a swift motion, running at top speed to the door. She grabs his arm and starts to talk, but he cuts her off, "God, I always thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. They always told me that you would break my heart, but I didn't listen. Everyone hates you!"

"Andre, please–!"

"Get away from me!" He pushes her away, and right before he slams the door, she sees the tears in his eyes.

The world becomes lopsided and Tori falls onto the floor. Violent sobs rack her body as she begins to scream. They start out as whimpers, getting louder and louder until ear shattering wails fill the whole house. Daniel gets down next to her cautiously, and is about to put a hand on her back when she screeches, "You did this to me! I hate you!" She punches and kicks him numerous times in every direction, until he finally leaves.

Tori continues shrieking and bawling until she starts throwing up. She manages to get her sorry ass up from the floor long enough to retrieve a huge kitchen knife that her mother uses only for special cooking occasions. She sits back her spot and begins to cut – deeper than usual – into her wrist as she snivels. She ends up laying in a pool of vomit and blood; she figures she doesn't even deserve to sleep in a decent bed.

When Trina comes home from her party the next morning, she lets out a high pitched scream. At first she thinks Tori's just sleeping, but when she takes her pulse she finds that's not the case. She calls 911 at the speed of light, and she sits there shaking Tori and slapping her tear streaked face in an attempt to wake her up until the medics arrive. When they do, it's too late.

Turns out, the cut that reads "loved" did a whole lot more damage than Tori intended.

**Do you hate me for that? I feel horrible about it, but it had to happen, you know? I hope it wasn't rushed, please tell me if it was! I really hope I haven't disappointed you, because I know most centric stories end in death. I'm so sorry you guys, I'm hoping you liked it.**

** THIS IS NOT THE END! I promise, there is at least one, maybe two, chapters to come. Don't give up on me yet :)**

** On an ending note: Review or you die.**

** Kind of extreme, you say? I'm extreme person. You know who else is an extreme person?**

** Your mom.**

** BOOM! **


	6. Blame, Unite, Explain, Remember

**Hello, everyone! This is the final chapter of this story. I'm really sad; it's been an amazing journey. I love all of you very much! Nine reviews for last chapter? Wow, phenomenal! Before I get on to shout outs, there's an important announcement at the end of the chapter so please read it if you have the time.**

** Jeremy Shane: Sorry I didn't see you reviewed so I couldn't add your shout out onto the last chapter. Thanks for reviewing!**

** playing tragic: Well, here ya go!**

** Ayamas4Ever: Yep, she's dead :(**

** Ehh what's my pen name again: Ha! Love the username! Yeah, she's dead D:**

** Immortal Vows: Tee hee, I'm glad you like my sense of humor! Thanks so so much!**

** thesoundof: That's so sweet, thank you! This was a fantastic review :)**

** parkitcharlie: Thanks! I love your reviews!**

** BigStuOU: I'm glad you saw it coming! Thanks :D**

** fallingforuwasfate: You shall see!**

** Xxunbrokenxx: :(**

** Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious.**

He was there, but he never told.

Sinjin walks nervously to Tori's door, his palms sweating horribly. He raises a shaky fist to the door and gives a small knock. Trina answers it and just stares blankly at him. There are dark circles under her eyes, as if she hasn't slept a wink of sleep in her life. She's dressed in sweatpants and a tee shirt – a rarity for Trina, Sinjin notices.

"Yes?" she asks, her voice lacking any emotion.

"C-Can I see your dad?" Trina opens the door the whole way, revealing Mr. Vega and his wife sitting on the couch. Mrs. Vega is clutching a few mascara smeared tissues, sniffling. It's only been three days since…it happened, but this has been eating away at Sinjin. Mr. Vega stands slowly, looking at least fifty years old. He looks about the same as Trina; very detached and unemotional.

"Yes, son, do I know you?" Mr. Vega asks, his voice strained and tired.

"Um, sir, I'm Sinjin van Cleef. I went to school with Tor – your daughter. But before she started going there, though, I worked at a movie theater a few blocks over. That was three years ago. One night, I had to clean up after a movie…" Sinjin trails off, remembering exactly what the horror movie was: The April House. "A-And I saw your daughter there, she was alone. There was…b-blood running down her leg and–"

"Excuse me, Sinjin, is it?" the man asks, tears in his eyes. "A young man by the name of…Daniel came and saw me yesterday. He confessed to r-raping Tor…Tori." Mr. Vega's breaks when he says her name, as he begins to cry. "He'd been threatening her to have sex with him for the past two years, and she did. That was him who left her at the movie theater that night. We – we're trying to figure out if it was a murder or a…or a…"

"Thank you, sir," Sinjin cuts him off and hurriedly makes his way towards the door, wanting to get as far away as possible.

"Son," Mr. Vega utters and the boy turns to face him, "thank you."

Sinjin just nods and leaves. He runs all the way to the bus stop, where he lets out a few tears. Tori had been raped all these years because of _him_. As soon as he saw her with that blood, he should've called the police. When he saw her in the showcase, he rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming. But alas, no, it was her.

He remembers so vividly when Cat started dating this Daniel guy. Sinjin was so jealous; why couldn't girls like _him_ like that? And then Tori sprayed cheese all over the couple, and Sinjin – along with everyone else – just assumed Tori was a bitch. None of them never even stopped to think that she might have been going through stuff. Stuff with Daniel, that is.

It makes Sinjin sick. So much, in fact, that he pukes all over a Northridge girl that's sitting next to him on the bus stop bench. She shrieks in horror and runs in no particular direction, but the awkward boy doesn't care. He thinks of Tori. Beautiful, sweet, broken Tori. He'd always had a crush on her, but was too afraid to bring up the night at the movie theater.

He's a chicken shit. Sinjin knew something must have been going on with her at the movie; her facial expression was absolutely blank and terrifying. Then there was the blood on her leg, which he tried and tried to come up with an excuse for. And anyway, what fifteen year old girl goes and sees a horror movie all by her lonesome in a big, dark, scary theater?

His bus comes and leaves, but he doesn't really notice. Sinjin just sits there in his vomit-covered shirt, willing tears not to fall. No one sits by him, which he thinks makes sense, and they all just stand by the bus stop sign. The guilt eats him up. His insides twist as his stomach churns, and his brain just shouts over and over about how he's the one who killed Tori.

It's all Sinjin's fault.

/

Robbie, Andre, Jade, Beck, and Cat are all sitting in a police station.

Cat is sobbing into Beck shoulder loudly, Robbie is playing with the leather of his wallet, Jade's picking at her chipped navy blue nail polish, and Andre's hands are balled into fists as he sits in deep thought. A police officer whose name no one really cares to learn steps into the room and takes a seat at the head of the table. He clears his throat and uncomfortably stares at Cat, probably wanting her to stop crying. Beck whispers into her ear and she lifts her head and takes a deep breath, attempting to compose herself.

"Thank you all for coming," the man says in a deep, throaty voice. "Five days ago, January 16th, 2012, Victoria Vega was found dead in her home." This earns a small whimper from Cat and Jade rolls her eyes. The officer continues, "It looked to be a suicide, but a boy by the name of Daniel O'Brian confessed to have raping Tori. He told us that he had been threatening her to have sex with him for about two years after. So, with that said, this could be a possible homicide case."

Shock. Pure astonishment registers on each and every one of their faces, especially since Cat _dated_ him. "Daniel told us that she offered to have sex with him in order to protect her friend, a miss Cat Valentine, from him raping her as well. Is that you?" he asks timidly to Cat, his voice gentle. All she can do is nod her head before erupting into another fit of sobs.

"Well, when we examined her body, we found what appears to be a total of ten self inflicted wounds. Each one is a different word. I have pictures of each one of these injuries and I would like for you all to see them. We have to know if any of you ever saw these, or talked with Tori about them. Okay?"

Everyone nods, though Cat a little hesitant. The officer pulls nine pictures out of his folder and spreads them out on the table. There they are; pretty on her stomach, talented on her forearm, innocent on the inside of her right thigh, shining on her left calf, good friend on her upper arm, nice on her left thigh, perfect on her right calf, good sister on her right thigh with loyal next to it, and finally loved on her wrist. Everyone takes a picture and then passes it. They're all crying, except Jade who just looks bored.

"I…uh…I knew that she cut herself; she told me. I personally saw perfect, good friend, and talented." Beck says, tears streaking his cheeks.

"I knew from the very beginning," Jade offers with a smirk, "I dumped a bottle of water on her arm at the showcase and saw talented. I was at her house after Beck broke it off with me and we were both crying and we said some…kind of hurtful things. She actually cut herself in front of me. Perfect…" She finishes, her voice lacking much emotion other than annoyance.

"Thank you both, that's very helpful–" the policeman begins to say.

"You knew?" Andre exclaims, standing. "You knew all this time and never said anything! Good God, Jade, she could have been saved. Do you really not have a soul? She's gone and it's all your f–"

"Oh hell no, you can say whatever you want to me, but you are not going to stand there and tell me that this was _my_ fault!" Jade screeches back, on her feet in an instant, "It's no one's fault except Tori's – she wasn't the damn Scarecrow; she had a brain of her own. She could have told anyone at anytime but she obviously didn't want to. Don't blame me because you're fucking ignorant. Hell, if you're going to use that logic you may as well say that it would be the hot dog guy's fault for looking at her wrong when she ordered syrup. She wasn't _stable_, and that isn't my damn fault!"

"Go to hell!" Andre screams at the top of his lungs.

"You first!" Jade shoots back, turning towards the door. She leaves quickly and Cat runs after her. Beck, in turn, follows Cat, and Robbie goes too. Rolling his eyes, Andre gets up and follows his friends out the door as well.

"I suppose this is a good time to quit, then," the policeman says sarcastically to himself.

/

"Jade!" Robbie yells.

"No!"

"Hey, c'mon Jade, I'm sorry for what I said. Talk to us. Please?" pleads Andre.

"Nope."

"You're being ridiculous." Beck says frantically, sighing.

"I'm aware."

"JADE!" Finally, the dark haired girl turns around when she hears Cat screech out her name. The small girl is staring at Jade keenly; her eyes big and filled with tears. Beck has his arm planted firmly around her shoulders but she isn't focused on him whatsoever. Jade looks around the half empty police station parking lot, wondering when things got so fucked up.

"Yeah?" is all Jade can think to say, her voice exhausted.

"We're hurting, too!" Cat yells angrily, her blood boiling. "Tori was our friend, you aren't the only one who lost her!"

"Come off it, Cat! She wasn't _really_ your friend; she did incredibly bitchy things to all of us, right?" Jade asks hatefully, and there's a moment of silence until Cat pipes up again.

"That wasn't her fault! She hurt me because she had to! Admit it Jade, you miss her." the small girl's voice is strong, now, and Jade doesn't think she's ever heard her speak with so much conviction. Cat breaks away from Beck and steps closer to the taller girl. "You miss her and you know it, but you're too fuc…_fucking_ proud to say so!" Everyone's jaws drop; Cat never uses curse words. "If I had a thousand fingers I couldn't even begin to count how many times you were mean to her. We're all mourning her!"

"You think I don't know that?" Jade whimpers, tears finally cascading down her face. She hides her face in her hands then wipes her nose, sniffling. "She helped me when I needed her most. I wanted to hate her, but I…but I never could. She was," Jade pauses for a moment and then whispers, "perfect."

The girl falls to the ground in a crumpled heap. Her friends run to her and help her up, and when they do Cat embraces her. Jade wobbles for a minute then catches her balance. At first she's stiff against Cat but after a few seconds she rests her hands on the redhead's back. Andre's the next to join the hug, wrapping his arms around both of the girls. Robbie and Beck soon follow, making a complete group hug. They all cry together, their sobs filling the chilly January air.

And there, they know that everything will be alright. They will never just be the same old group of five that they once were before Tori Vega, but they will eventually adjust. There's a silent agreement that even when the group embrace ends, they will all still metaphorically hang on to each other. Even after high school ends and they graduate, they will always be on each other's speed dial. Each of them hopes that if there is a heaven, Tori's looking down on them and smiling.

Because the world just always seemed right when she smiled.

/

When Cat goes off to use the restroom at lunch, Beck finds Robbie. It's been a week since Tori died and it's the first day any one of her friends shows up to school. It's hushed outside as the students eat their lunches quietly. Everyone is sitting sadly, making small conversation. It's mostly all about how great of a person Tori was, which makes Beck happy. He can't help but feel like it's his fault that she died.

"Hey Robbie," Beck says with relief when he finds him inside, looking at Tori's old locker.

"Oh, uh, hey Beck." Robbie says with a small, depressed smile.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about what happened last Christmas. I really liked you, honest, it was just a mistake. You'll always be my first kiss, and my first...you know, other stuff." Beck says sheepishly as Robbie cracks a genuine smile.

"Hey, man, no hard feelings," Robbie says honestly. That makes Beck grin as he pulls the other boy into a tight hug. The taller one claps Robbie on the back as they let go. "Tori would be happy to know I'm not mad at her anymore," Robbie mutters bitterly.

/

"Alright, Kit Cat," Beck says as he scoops Cat up into his arms. They're just exiting his truck outside the RV. They've just gotten back from Jade's house where they all talked and discussed their feelings, and they are both terribly drained. "Time to get you to bed. It's been a long day." Cat mumbles some agreement as she fights to stay awake. She feels peaceful for once in the last two weeks, and she's trying to hold onto it for as long as she can. She knows that she'll just have to wake up and relive it all again tomorrow.

Once in the recreational vehicle, Cat allows Beck to undress her and put on the pajamas that she leaves there for their little "sleepovers." After he finishes, she lays down in the bed as he undresses as well. He slides in next to his girlfriend as she lays her head on his bare chest.

"Beck?" she asks sleepily with a yawn.

"Yeah, babe?"

"What…What did the words on her skin mean?" Cat inquires with her eyes intently on Beck.

"Well, baby girl, they were all the things Tori wanted to be. When she did something wrong, she wished so badly that she had done it right. So she thought if she…put the words on her body that maybe they would become true. Does that make sense?"

Cat nods. "I wish she had told me."

"I'm sure she wanted to, but didn't know how," Beck offers in hope to comfort her.

It's silent for a long time. "Cat?"

"Hmm?"

"Promise me you'll never put words on your skin."

"I won't, Beck, I promise." Cat answers immediately, "I wouldn't want for anyone to cry at my funeral like that."

Beck just clutches Cat's head to his chest as he sobs.

/

It's a comfortably warm day in January. The sun's hot on all their backs as they sit in the Asphalt Café – it looks so different, though, with the lunch tables all moved out and the casket sitting up front – each one in an uncomfortable plastic chair. Most of the school is there along with Tori's family, so needless to say the place is packed. Everyone makes their way through the line to see the girl's limp, lifeless body. Robbie, Jade, Andre, Beck, Cat, Trina, and Mr. and Mrs. Vega are all at the end of line as the guests come and offer their condolences.

Once the visitation is over the funeral begins directly after, and the preacher gets up and talks. He speaks forever about Tori's spirit, although he never really knew her. No one's paying all that much attention through their tears. Jade, in spite of herself, has salty tears running from her eyes. As soon as one begins to fall, though, she immediately wipes it away. Cat is sobbing into Beck's shoulder as he sniffles periodically and strokes her hair. Robbie is sitting next to Rex, who has his own chair, as the boy cries silently. Andre is sitting with his palms pressed to his eyelids, wishing it all to be over.

Finally, it's time for speeches. Tori's friends and her sister rise and make their ways to the podium that they all share. They look out into the crowd of so many people, somehow wishing that Tori could know that she was, in fact, loved. Each teenager looks around silently, left to their thoughts. Cat knows that her best friend is dead, but she still doesn't understand why. Jade is mad at herself for putting Tori down so many times. Beck hates himself for giving up. Trina wishes that she could've forgiven her sister for saying she didn't have talent. Robbie blames himself. Andre can't help but despise himself for walking away. "Tori Vega was so many things," Beck begins sullenly into the microphone.

"She was loved," Andre says in a melancholy tone.

"She was a good sister," Trina supplies in a hoarse voice.

"She was nice," Robbie half cries.

"She was perfect," says a gloomy Jade, tears threatening to spill once more.

"She was a good friend," an extremely pained Cat mutters.

"She was loyal," Beck tells the audience.

They all say in perfect unison, "She was pretty. She made it shine. She was innocent. She was talented."

Silence.

**It's over. It's really, really over. I always get so sad when I finish a piece, because I feel as if, along the way, the story becomes a part of me. Wow, guys, everyone has been incredible. I love every single view, favorite, hit, and review with all my heart. You all are amazing and without you this would be nothing.**

** I have an important announcement type of thing. I'm a cutter. I've been clean of it for about three weeks but I don't know if I'll do it again. This story has been very emotional for me because of my personal experiences. I'm not using this for sympathy, I just feel as though it's something I should share. This isn't a topic to be taken lightly; it's a very serious problem. It hurts both physically and emotionally, and you just simply feel trapped. To anyone like me, you're not alone. ****Please, try to get help from friends, family, anyone. I know what it's like, and if any of you need to talk – about anything, not just cutting – please, **_**please**_** feel free to message me. I'm a good listener.**

** Well, I suppose that's it. It's my last author's note of this story; better make it good, huh?**

**…Potato.**

** Okay, just please review.**


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